Girly Mom

Urgent News Bulletin:

An Alabama toddler was caught yesterday running one of the oldest scams in the book.

Three year old Darlin’ surprised parents yesterday when she agreed to wear big girl panties.  As promised, the proud mother took Darlin’ to a local store for her reward.

Once home, Darlin’ spent several hours with her new toys.  And to everyone’s astonishment, she let her mother know when she needed to pee-pee. The whole family was amazed.

But they never expected the events that were about to unfold.

Later that evening, Darlin’ began demanding her diapers back.  She whined.  She cried.  She insisted on returning the new toys and getting more diapers.  Her mother knew this demand was impossible because the toys had been opened.

Did Darlin’ know this?  Was this part of some twisted plan?  The distraught parents were desperate for answers.

After the shock wore off, Darlin’s parents realized that this was a con.  Darlin’ had gone to the potty for the sole purpose of getting a new toy.  Oh the injustice!

Luckily her parents had faced this kind of behavior.  They stood their ground and refused her plea for diapers.

Darlin’ tried other tricks such as peeing on the bathroom rug.  This tactic almost broke her mother but she remained strong.

Today, despite the continued mess, there are no diapers in the house and Darlin’ is still wearing big girl underwear.

Hooray for diligent mothers like Darlin’s mom!  If it weren’t for their courage, patience and sheer will,  we would be living in a terrible society surrounded by icky, smelly potty training dropouts.

Hats off to these everyday heros!

I hate pee.

I am averse to all things potty-related.  I just don’t deal with it well.

Enter my 3 year old daughter, Darlin’, as she prefers to be called.  She is on the brink of this rite of passage.  But she refuses to take that monumental step into the exciting world of “big girls”.

I started over a year ago with little potty-positive comments.  I regaled her with stories of girls that braved this journey and now held their heads high in Big Girl Land. I sat her on the potty before her bath so she could get the feel of things.  I used all the preliminary techniques to prepare her for the “coming out”.

This was all great until the fateful day I suggested she take her potty training to the next level by actually peeing in the potty.  Big mistake.  Huge!

So, I backed off.

But the damage was done.  She no longer agreed to even sit on the potty.  When I suggested it, she screamed as if I were trying to shove her head down the little hole in the bottom of the toilet. That’s not to say I hadn’t considered it.

So I tried reasoning with her.  Silly, I know, but when I’m desperate, I’ll try anything.

“You’re getting to be such a big girl,” I say.  “I know you can go to the potty like mom & dad.”

She replied, “I don’t want to be a big girl.  I’m just Darlin’.”

Ok, that didn’t work.  I tried another angle.

“It’s so much easier to go in the potty.  WE won’t have to spend all this time changing your diaper.  Doesn’t that sound better?”

“No, Mommy.  It’s really easy to potty in my diaper,” she answered.  Well, she’s got me there.

Finally I sank to bribery.  My oldest kids couldn’t resist this tactic.

She took the bait.  Angels were singing; hope was born.  Darlin’ was wearing Little Mermaid underwear!  I was a genius.

But thirty minutes later the dream ended with her screaming and crying in a puddle of pee.

So today, I officially give up.  Maybe I’ll find it in me to try again, maybe I won’t.  Do Depends cost more than Pampers?

Anyway, if your child comes home from 5th grade one day talking about the girl in class that can change her own diaper, well, that’s my Darlin’.