Girly Mom

I’ve been DOA; no that’s not it.  I’ve been MIA, yeah.  I’ve been MIA for a while.

I have three little sweethearts that have just started back to school.  For the past few weeks, I’ve been  preparing them for that big event.

I wore holes in my tires from repeated trips to Target, Walmart, and KMart.  I scoured the racks at umpteen different department stores looking for clothes, shoes, and accessories.  I made my kids try on 12 different sizes of uniforms for school.  And I even spent countless hours online searching for cute nap mats, sippy cups, tote bags and lunch boxes.

And don’t even get me started on the supply lists for these kids.  I trudged through rows and rows of school paraphernalia searching for exactly what was on each list.  Where were the large white glue sticks?  Every store had regular and jumbo and purple.  Nobody stocked large white ones.  When I finally found them, they were $2 a piece and I needed 12.  Twenty-four dollars for glue?  That’s just wrong!

Searching for notebooks was frustrating, too.  I hunted for pocket folders with brads, pocket folders without brads, and composition notebooks with wide-rule paper.  And on top of that, my kids wanted them to be Hannah Montana or Pokemon or Hello Kitty or pink or something other than what was available where we were.

Oh, and there are NO blue 10 gallon Sterilite tubs in the entire city, in case you wanted to know.  It was really special to find out at my son’s orientation that the tub color didn’t matter.  What?  Why, for the love of all that is good, did someone not fix that on the supply list?  People don’t realize the trouble they cause us slightly deranged, OCD moms.

Seriously, does anyone else do this?  Why do I obsess over getting exactly what’s written on the supply list?  I mean, I’m not a first time mom.  I should know better.  I should just throw some crayons and paper in a Walmart sack and send them on their way.  But there’s just something about the start of the school year that turns me into this fretful little woman who must do everything by the book.

Needless to say, my babies got to school with all their stuff.  We did miss my 8 year old’s orientation because I read the paper wrong.  I thought it was on the same night as my son’s.  That doesn’t bode well for my scheduling abilities this year, but I’m going to get them through this year with awesome grades if it kills me.

Did I mention that I’m home alone?  My youngest baby, who is about to turn 4 in a few weeks, started preschool.  I’m sad for myself, but excited for her.  It’s great that she’s so independent, but I sure miss her.  Her school is awesome and her teacher, Mrs. Ruthie, is the sweetest lady ever.

I’m planning on relaxing at home for a few days and then getting started on some projects around the house.  I’ve got pictures that need hanging, closets that need cleaning and I may even slap a photo or two in somebody’s scrapbook.  I’m also plannin’ to get my blog on.  I’m looking forward to more free time for writing and catching up on all the blogs I love to read.  Hooray freedom!

Look at me!  I’m focusing on the positve side of this rather than the fact that my baby has started school and they’re all getting old and about to move out and leaving me here all alone forever and ever.  See, I’m doing great!

I’m a good mother.  I take care of my kids.  I bathe them and feed them.  I help them with homework.  I buy them clothes and shoes that they like (usually).  And I buy them toys.

But some of those toys, well, I just don’t have words for how much I hate them.  Today’s toy that I despise above all others is my daughter’s Slushee Maker.  I’m sitting here at the computer at a complete loss for words.  I HATE that thing.

First of all, I have to assemble it because it’s too hard for anyone under the age of 30.  Then, I have to add the ingredients because the canister gets so cold that your hands can go numb if you even touch it.

Next, I have to turn the handle because it’s too hard for anyone without body building experience.  So, I stand there for at least five minutes turning this impossible crank until my arm falls off on the floor.  That’s how we know when it’s ready.

Then, I have to endure my daughter’s pitiful look when the liquid doesn’t freeze (which is most of the time).  So I either do it all over again or refuse and try to live with her disappointment.

And she wonders why I never want to get that stupid thing down from the pantry so she can play with it.

I’m throwing it in the garbage!

OK, OK.  I know I won’t because, remember how I said I’m a good mother?  I’ll keep it and try to avoid getting it down for several more months.  Then, one day, I’ll give in, get it down, and go through the whole thing again.

I guess I wouldn’t fuss so much if it worked more often.  It might be worth the effort if we got something even partially frozen to come out.  I’ve just got to be more careful when buying toys for my kids.

And don’t even get me started on the Baby Alive that wet all over my stairs!

Urgent News Bulletin:

An Alabama toddler was caught yesterday running one of the oldest scams in the book.

Three year old Darlin’ surprised parents yesterday when she agreed to wear big girl panties.  As promised, the proud mother took Darlin’ to a local store for her reward.

Once home, Darlin’ spent several hours with her new toys.  And to everyone’s astonishment, she let her mother know when she needed to pee-pee. The whole family was amazed.

But they never expected the events that were about to unfold.

Later that evening, Darlin’ began demanding her diapers back.  She whined.  She cried.  She insisted on returning the new toys and getting more diapers.  Her mother knew this demand was impossible because the toys had been opened.

Did Darlin’ know this?  Was this part of some twisted plan?  The distraught parents were desperate for answers.

After the shock wore off, Darlin’s parents realized that this was a con.  Darlin’ had gone to the potty for the sole purpose of getting a new toy.  Oh the injustice!

Luckily her parents had faced this kind of behavior.  They stood their ground and refused her plea for diapers.

Darlin’ tried other tricks such as peeing on the bathroom rug.  This tactic almost broke her mother but she remained strong.

Today, despite the continued mess, there are no diapers in the house and Darlin’ is still wearing big girl underwear.

Hooray for diligent mothers like Darlin’s mom!  If it weren’t for their courage, patience and sheer will,  we would be living in a terrible society surrounded by icky, smelly potty training dropouts.

Hats off to these everyday heros!

I hate pee.

I am averse to all things potty-related.  I just don’t deal with it well.

Enter my 3 year old daughter, Darlin’, as she prefers to be called.  She is on the brink of this rite of passage.  But she refuses to take that monumental step into the exciting world of “big girls”.

I started over a year ago with little potty-positive comments.  I regaled her with stories of girls that braved this journey and now held their heads high in Big Girl Land. I sat her on the potty before her bath so she could get the feel of things.  I used all the preliminary techniques to prepare her for the “coming out”.

This was all great until the fateful day I suggested she take her potty training to the next level by actually peeing in the potty.  Big mistake.  Huge!

So, I backed off.

But the damage was done.  She no longer agreed to even sit on the potty.  When I suggested it, she screamed as if I were trying to shove her head down the little hole in the bottom of the toilet. That’s not to say I hadn’t considered it.

So I tried reasoning with her.  Silly, I know, but when I’m desperate, I’ll try anything.

“You’re getting to be such a big girl,” I say.  “I know you can go to the potty like mom & dad.”

She replied, “I don’t want to be a big girl.  I’m just Darlin’.”

Ok, that didn’t work.  I tried another angle.

“It’s so much easier to go in the potty.  WE won’t have to spend all this time changing your diaper.  Doesn’t that sound better?”

“No, Mommy.  It’s really easy to potty in my diaper,” she answered.  Well, she’s got me there.

Finally I sank to bribery.  My oldest kids couldn’t resist this tactic.

She took the bait.  Angels were singing; hope was born.  Darlin’ was wearing Little Mermaid underwear!  I was a genius.

But thirty minutes later the dream ended with her screaming and crying in a puddle of pee.

So today, I officially give up.  Maybe I’ll find it in me to try again, maybe I won’t.  Do Depends cost more than Pampers?

Anyway, if your child comes home from 5th grade one day talking about the girl in class that can change her own diaper, well, that’s my Darlin’.

The kids are out of school today because they had an unused weather day.  It was wonderful not waking at 6:30am to get them ready.  Oh, wait, we did get up at 6:30 thanks to Darlin’ (my 3 year old).

But at least we weren’t rushing around for backpacks and lunches and grabbing breakfast on the way out the door.  It was so nice.

I thought about planning a fun day for them like going to the park or on a picnic.  But then  it occurred to me that a mellow day at home might be the mini vacation we need.

We didn’t rush to get dressed.  Everyone ate breakfast when they wanted.  Even Darlin’ succumbed to the laid-back feeling of the day.

Everyone played outside this morning, swinging and riding various bikes & scooters.

My son spent some real quality time battling fierce creatures on his Pokemon game.

The girls made a store and recruited me and dad as customers.  It was a little odd to pay cash for shoes that look suspiciously like the ones in my closet, but they were having such a fantastic time (and not watching tv).

I think this lazy Friday was just what we all needed.  It was a welcome break from all the chaos of school.  And it gave us a little preview of the summer days to come.

Only 19 school days left this year.  Hooray!

Then it’s off to the pool or the backyard for some summer fun that’s sure to be legen- (wait for it)  dary.

Want to join us?