Meany
June 3rd, 2008 . by connieI’m a nice person. I really am. I assume the best about people. I presume I’m the one who misunderstood the rude thing someone said. Or I figure others are having a bad day and really don’t mean their nasty remarks. I give them the benefit of the doubt.
Now if you’re mean constantly, I’ll be nice to your face, but I WILL start thinking that you just might not be a nice person.
Are you scared? I know you are.
I think that makes me a big coward.
Shouldn’t I be able to stand up to someone who is being offensive and say, “Hey! No, no you icky person”?
Sadly, I cannot. Maybe I should take a class? Any meany teachers out there?
I’d like to have a small can of mean I could open up on somebody that needed it. I’ve tried, but it always seems to come out as a lame compliment. I want to tell people that I don’t like what they’re saying or doing to their face.
My husband says I’m good at standing up to him if he’s being mean. I think that’s because I know he loves me and he won’t judge me or think bad about me if I tell him the truth.
Hey, there’s a clue. Maybe I’m so afraid of someone not liking me or thinking bad about me, that I don’t want to risk telling them the truth. That’s pretty pathetic. Why should I worry so much about the opinions of all the yucky people?
I’m on a mission now. I’m going to try to be mean at least once a week (to someone other than my husband). I don’t mean MEAN for the sake of being mean. I mean MEAN as in, if you are being a condescending little dolt, I just might think about perhaps asking you to consider the possibility of acting in some more positive way while in my general vicinity.
Yeah, that sounds mean. I can do that.
Don’t go changing .. to try and please me .. you never want to work that hard … Billy Joel .. the master!
Seriously, why do you want to change? Is there something wrong with being nice? Actually, if I could take a slice of you and put it in me, I would. I’m way to skeptical, way too cynical, and often a real smart ass. I am unfortunately mean or hurtful, and often by accident. Dont try to be more like me. Make me more like you.
You really dont WANT to be MEAN to people anyway. You may want to stand up to them. that’s different. If someone is hurtful, you can just say “Thanks” and walk away. Or you can say “That was pretty uncalled for” and walk away. Or you can say “Wow, you’re a schmuck” and walk away. Those arent mean though. They’re defending yourself, or at least “your pride”.
In the end, the walk away part is the key. You have the opportunity to walk away. obviously, it’s harder to walk away from family or life long friends. But when someone is being rude or mean or condescending, you have the option of not interacting with them (for the most part). Sure, you may get stuck with them on a “work” basis, ie, the co-worker who you HAVE to interface with on projects. Therefore the walk away is temporary. But your cute little feet can carry you away from a situation that is mean and hurtful, and speak volumes of mean without saying a word. If they ask where you are going as they are “talking” to you, just say “someplace nicer than your comment”. They’ll get the hint!
There’s a difference between being mean and being assertive. Meanness is about making yourself feel powerful at the expense of others. Assertiveness is about standing your ground while not compromising the things that make you a nice person.
There are classes and books about assertiveness training. It’s definitely something you can learn, and if you feel it’s a skill you need more work on, go for it!
Standing up to people and being assertive is what I need to work on. It’s just not in me to be mean to people, at least not intentionally. I worry way too much about other people’s feelings to do that.
Thanks for the comments. I love them!
I used to have that thing too, the one where I had to have people like me, and was afraid to be mean. The older I get, the easier it is to not care…see? something to look forward to:)
Hey! It’s good to be mean sometimes, some people just deserve every bit of it. Good for you for standing up for yourself!
And I laughed hysterically at that picture… it’s just, I don’t know… funny!
Hmm…maybe we do know the same people. Don’t care what others think of you. If you live your life by the highest morals, stand up for what you believe in and to hell with everyone else. I know that I’m a good friend to my friends and tell them the truth when needed. Anyone who calls it differently (a) doesn’t know me or what I stand for and (b) isn’t a friend.