Girly Mom

Urgent News Bulletin:

An Alabama toddler was caught yesterday running one of the oldest scams in the book.

Three year old Darlin’ surprised parents yesterday when she agreed to wear big girl panties.  As promised, the proud mother took Darlin’ to a local store for her reward.

Once home, Darlin’ spent several hours with her new toys.  And to everyone’s astonishment, she let her mother know when she needed to pee-pee. The whole family was amazed.

But they never expected the events that were about to unfold.

Later that evening, Darlin’ began demanding her diapers back.  She whined.  She cried.  She insisted on returning the new toys and getting more diapers.  Her mother knew this demand was impossible because the toys had been opened.

Did Darlin’ know this?  Was this part of some twisted plan?  The distraught parents were desperate for answers.

After the shock wore off, Darlin’s parents realized that this was a con.  Darlin’ had gone to the potty for the sole purpose of getting a new toy.  Oh the injustice!

Luckily her parents had faced this kind of behavior.  They stood their ground and refused her plea for diapers.

Darlin’ tried other tricks such as peeing on the bathroom rug.  This tactic almost broke her mother but she remained strong.

Today, despite the continued mess, there are no diapers in the house and Darlin’ is still wearing big girl underwear.

Hooray for diligent mothers like Darlin’s mom!  If it weren’t for their courage, patience and sheer will,  we would be living in a terrible society surrounded by icky, smelly potty training dropouts.

Hats off to these everyday heros!

I hate pee.

I am averse to all things potty-related.  I just don’t deal with it well.

Enter my 3 year old daughter, Darlin’, as she prefers to be called.  She is on the brink of this rite of passage.  But she refuses to take that monumental step into the exciting world of “big girls”.

I started over a year ago with little potty-positive comments.  I regaled her with stories of girls that braved this journey and now held their heads high in Big Girl Land. I sat her on the potty before her bath so she could get the feel of things.  I used all the preliminary techniques to prepare her for the “coming out”.

This was all great until the fateful day I suggested she take her potty training to the next level by actually peeing in the potty.  Big mistake.  Huge!

So, I backed off.

But the damage was done.  She no longer agreed to even sit on the potty.  When I suggested it, she screamed as if I were trying to shove her head down the little hole in the bottom of the toilet. That’s not to say I hadn’t considered it.

So I tried reasoning with her.  Silly, I know, but when I’m desperate, I’ll try anything.

“You’re getting to be such a big girl,” I say.  “I know you can go to the potty like mom & dad.”

She replied, “I don’t want to be a big girl.  I’m just Darlin’.”

Ok, that didn’t work.  I tried another angle.

“It’s so much easier to go in the potty.  WE won’t have to spend all this time changing your diaper.  Doesn’t that sound better?”

“No, Mommy.  It’s really easy to potty in my diaper,” she answered.  Well, she’s got me there.

Finally I sank to bribery.  My oldest kids couldn’t resist this tactic.

She took the bait.  Angels were singing; hope was born.  Darlin’ was wearing Little Mermaid underwear!  I was a genius.

But thirty minutes later the dream ended with her screaming and crying in a puddle of pee.

So today, I officially give up.  Maybe I’ll find it in me to try again, maybe I won’t.  Do Depends cost more than Pampers?

Anyway, if your child comes home from 5th grade one day talking about the girl in class that can change her own diaper, well, that’s my Darlin’.

The kids are out of school today because they had an unused weather day.  It was wonderful not waking at 6:30am to get them ready.  Oh, wait, we did get up at 6:30 thanks to Darlin’ (my 3 year old).

But at least we weren’t rushing around for backpacks and lunches and grabbing breakfast on the way out the door.  It was so nice.

I thought about planning a fun day for them like going to the park or on a picnic.  But then  it occurred to me that a mellow day at home might be the mini vacation we need.

We didn’t rush to get dressed.  Everyone ate breakfast when they wanted.  Even Darlin’ succumbed to the laid-back feeling of the day.

Everyone played outside this morning, swinging and riding various bikes & scooters.

My son spent some real quality time battling fierce creatures on his Pokemon game.

The girls made a store and recruited me and dad as customers.  It was a little odd to pay cash for shoes that look suspiciously like the ones in my closet, but they were having such a fantastic time (and not watching tv).

I think this lazy Friday was just what we all needed.  It was a welcome break from all the chaos of school.  And it gave us a little preview of the summer days to come.

Only 19 school days left this year.  Hooray!

Then it’s off to the pool or the backyard for some summer fun that’s sure to be legen- (wait for it)  dary.

Want to join us?

I know that schools need money. I know that fund raisers are the accepted way of making money, a necessary evil. But I don’t have to like it.

I can get behind some of the more benign fund raisers. For example, my kids’ school asked parents to bring in 2 gift items and 1 baked item for a huge carnival and sale that the school has every year. There was no big competition. There was no promise of winning Dollar Store cute little gifts. The donations were easy for the parents and the carnival was fun for the kids.

But all fund raisers are not created equal. The most recent fund raiser was a “Fun Run”. Students attended a school-wide rally where they were pumped up to SELL SELL SELL and promised cheap toys “exclusive” prizes as incentives to get pledges.

My kids came home exploding with enthusiasm over the sheer greatness of this “Fun Run” day. In unison they recited the shpeel about how great this is for the school, blah blah blah. Not wanting to be the loser parents that say no to everything, we pledged $1 per lap for each of our kids (they run between 20 & 40 laps).

The next day, the kids were bombarded with more promises of rubber bracelets, light-up frisbees & family board games if they get more pledges. Now they want to call every relative & friend we have across the entire country and beg for money. What? I thought I just paid to stop this madness help the school. Now they want more? It’s pure blackmail. I never should have given in to their demands.

I just HATE this. I don’t think other people should have to spend money on my kids’ school especially when they don’t even get a stinky ugly cool candle or something for their money. I think it puts others in an awkward position. Generally, nobody enjoys telling a kid no. Ok, maybe sometimes when I’m in a sick twisted sort of mood I enjoy saying no, but you know what I mean.

I don’t like how the school gets my kids super motivated to beg people for money. Why don’t they use that power for good (like motivating my kids to do their homework without being asked)? When I say I’d rather not call people begging for money, I morph into this cheap pathetic no-good parent who won’t even help the great institution that is teaching my kids to be the best they can be. Now it’s all my fault when my kids don’t meet their goals and miss out on the crappy cool-beyond-words super exclusive stuffed duck. Thanks, but I don’t need the school’s help getting my kids to think I suck.

I offer to go buy them a duck and a light-up frisbee and a rubber bracelet and we’ll only be out $5. But that isn’t as cool as getting the exclusive stuff from school.

I give in and let them each call one person who I know will save the day. They each get a big pledge and they are saved from being an embarrassment to the school and our entire family.

Thanks mom!

This is the first post I’ve ever, uh, posted.  Or should that be blogged?  Or should it be, this is the first blog I’ve ever posted?  Well, that doesn’t sound right.  The pressure is getting to me already.

Anyway, I’m brand spankin’ new at this.  I’m a little baby blogger.  Can you hear me cooing?

I’m still learning and I don’t know all the terminology and etiquette yet, but I’ll do my best.  Please be kind.

And, by the way, I was rickrolled the other day and didn’t even know what that was.

Who knew there was more than online shopping, Google and solitare out here?

I think I’m gonna enjoy this.

And thanks to all who offered cookies to entice me.  They did the trick.

Hey, am I metablogging?  Ahh, my first big blogger word!  Everybody clap.